Christmas can be the most magical time of year, but for children and young people with additional educational needs, mental health challenges, or neurodivergence, it can also feel completely overwhelming. It’s the season of disrupted routines, sensory overload, social expectations, and the anxiety of returning to school in January – it calls for thoughtful planning and support.
So we put together a guide with a few strategies to help your family successfully navigate the holidays.
Christmas brings with it many challenges that can be particularly difficult for children with additional needs:
Sensory overload arrives through flashing lights, loud music in shops, unfamiliar textures in festive jumpers, and the competing smells of food and pine.
Routine disruption occurs when familiar school schedules disappear, mealtimes shift, and bedtimes become flexible.
Social demands increase with family gatherings, expectations to be cheerful and grateful, and pressure to engage in ways that may feel uncomfortable.
Emotional intensity builds from excitement that’s hard to regulate, anxiety about changes and expectations, and potential disappointment when reality doesn’t match anticipation.
Finally, there’s the underlying uncertainty about what will happen each day and when normal life will resume.
For many young people, these factors combine to create a perfect storm of dysregulation, meltdowns, or withdrawal.
Predictability is the best tool any of us have to combat anxiety. You could create a visual calendar showing which days have special events, when relatives are visiting, and importantly, when “normal days” will happen. You can then add social stories to these days to prepare your child for specific events, explaining what will happen, who will be there, how long it will last, and what they can do if they feel overwhelmed. Including photographs of places you’ll visit or people you’ll see will make the abstract more solid and squash down uncertainty.
If you don’t already have one, designate a calm space in your home where your child can retreat when overwhelmed. This could be their bedroom, a cosy corner with cushions and headphones, or even a tent or den. Stock it with comfort items like fidget toys, weighted blankets, or their favourite books. When you’re headed out to get-togethers outside the house, scout out a quiet room or space beforehand and give your child permission to use it. You could even agree on a signal they can use to let you know they need to leave without drawing attention, and always have a plan for leaving early if needed.
Not every moment needs to be magical. Give yourself and your child permission for good enough rather than perfect. This might mean opening presents gradually rather than all at once, celebrating in ways that suit your family rather than following traditions that don’t work, or saying no to some invitations to protect your child’s wellbeing. Quality matters far more than quantity when it comes to Christmas.
Teenagers will be more and more aware of how they might differ from their peers, which can intensify during family gatherings where comparisons feel more visible.
They may experience social anxiety about extended family asking about school, exams, future plans, or friendships when these areas feel difficult. Identity and independence tensions emerge as they want more autonomy but may still need support with regulation and planning. There’s sometimes increased academic pressure with exams looming in the new year, creating guilt about ‘wasting’ holiday time or anxiety about falling behind.
Too many teens also face social media comparison, seeing peers’ apparently perfect Christmases online, which can trigger feelings of inadequacy or isolation.
The key shift with older children is moving from managing their environment to empowering them to manage it themselves, with your backup.
Involve them in planning. Before the holidays begin, sit down together and discuss what events are coming up. Ask which ones they want to attend, which they’d rather skip, and what support they’d need to manage the ones that feel challenging. This gives them agency while still acknowledging their needs. Discuss realistic expectations together, whether about family time, academic work during the break, or social commitments.
Teach self-advocacy skills. Help your teen develop scripts for common situations, like how to politely excuse themselves from conversations, explain their needs to relatives, or decline invitations – you can even practise these together if it’s helpful. Encourage them to identify their own warning signs of overwhelm and the strategies that help them regulate. This might include going for a walk, listening to music, or spending time alone.
Respect their need for space. Teenagers naturally need more time alone, and this is especially true for those with additional needs who find social interaction draining. Don’t take their withdrawal personally. Create expectations with extended family that your teen may participate less in group activities, and that this isn’t rudeness but self-care.
Navigate social media mindfully. Talk with them about how social media presents curated highlights, not reality. If they’re struggling with comparison, consider agreeing on reduced screen time together or unfollowing accounts that bring up difficult feelings. But make sure to balance this with recognising that online connections can be an important lifeline for teens who find face-to-face interaction challenging.
Many teenagers, particularly those with anxiety or perfectionism, struggle to switch off from school. They may feel they should be revising or catching up but then feel too overwhelmed to actually do it, creating a cycle of guilt and avoidance.
It might be helpful to sit down together and draw up a realistic plan, with plenty of rest and manageable amounts of work. This might be an hour of revision in the morning, leaving the rest of the day free, or designating certain days as workdays and others as complete rest. The key is in removing the ambiguity that creates a constant low-level state of stress.
It’s important to remind them that rest is productive. Teenagers with additional needs often expend enormous energy just managing school environments. The holidays are a necessary recovery period, not wasted time.
Some teens will want to see friends over the break; others will want solitude. Both are valid. If your teen wants social contact but struggles to initiate it, offer practical help like sending messages on their behalf or hosting low-key gatherings at home where they feel more comfortable.
If they don’t want to see anyone, resist pressure from well-meaning relatives who suggest they’re being antisocial. Loneliness and wanting solitude are different things. Check in about how they’re feeling, but trust their understanding of what they need.
This is a delicate balance. Teenagers need to develop skills for managing their own wellbeing, but they’re not yet equipped to do it entirely alone. Offer support while respecting their growing autonomy. This might mean asking “Would it help if I…” rather than automatically stepping in, or giving them tools and strategies but letting them decide whether to use them.
Acknowledge the difficulty of being in-between. They’re not children who can be simply managed, but they’re also not adults with fully developed executive function and emotional regulation. This in-between space is challenging for everyone.
About a week before school returns, gradually reintroduce school-day routines. Begin setting alarms for school time again, even if you’re not going anywhere. Practice getting dressed in uniform and eating breakfast at the usual time. Re-establish bedtime routines to make sure your child gets enough sleep before the term begins.
Use a visual countdown showing how many ‘holiday days’ are left and marking the first day back to school. This helps young people prepare mentally for the change. Make sure you talk about the positive aspects of returning, like seeing friends, favourite lessons, or familiar teachers, alongside chatting through any concerns that will inevitably pop up.
Talk about what might be worrying them. Some common concerns we hear are whether they’ll remember their routine, if they’ll see their friends, whether they’ll manage the work, or if teachers might have changed expectations. It’s so important you validate these worries while problem-solving together. Don’t forget, you can always contact the school if needed to clear up any uncertainties.
If possible, visit the school grounds before term starts, even just a flying visit while driving past. Check over their timetable together and talk about what each day will look like. Prepare their school bag and uniform together, involving them in these familiar day-to-day tasks. If you haven’t seen them over the break, now might be the time to reach out to school friends for a brief meetup or message exchange to ease back in socially.
The first few days back are usually the hardest – so it’s a good idea to build in extra downtime after school where nothing is demanded. Plan simple after-school meals, expect your child to be tired and potentially dysregulated, and avoid adding any extra activities or commitments. Think of it as a settling-in period where coming home and decompressing is the top priority (for everyone!).
For teenagers, this might look different. They may resist what feels like being treated like a younger child, so try framing it as just recognising that term starts are hard for everyone (including the adults!), so you’re all going to take it easy that first week. Ask what would help them decompress; it might be time alone, a favourite meal ready when they get home, or just knowing they won’t be asked to do household tasks immediately.
Let your child’s teacher or SENCO know if the break has been particularly difficult or if any specific concerns have cropped up. Share with them what worked well for you during the holiday and anything your child found challenging. The more information the school has, the better!
Supporting a child with additional needs through Christmas can be downright exhausting. The disruption to routine affects you too, and you’re managing your own expectations alongside everyone else’s. Just remember that your wellbeing directly impacts your child’s wellbeing – you’re important too, so don’t put your needs at the bottom of your festive to-do list!
Ask for help when you need it from family, friends, or support services. It’s perfectly acceptable to say no to invitations or leave early from events if you’re overwhelmed yourself. Take moments for yourself where you can, even if it’s just ten minutes with a cup of tea – even if you have to schedule it into your calendar so you remember to actually do it! And most importantly, be kind to yourself when things don’t go to plan. You’re doing an incredible job, even if it sometimes doesn’t feel like it at the time.
There’s no rule that says Christmas has to involve certain activities, foods, or traditions. Your celebration can be quieter, shorter, or simpler than others. What matters is that it works for your family and protects your child’s wellbeing. A calm, regulated child in a peaceful home is worth far more than ticking off a list of festive expectations.
Some families celebrate on a different day to avoid crowds. Some open presents one at a time over several days. Some skip the big dinner entirely. Some say no to almost all invitations. All of these are valid if they support your child’s needs.
The festive period can feel pretty isolating when your family’s experience looks so different from what’s shown online. But there are many families navigating similar challenges, making similar adaptations, and feeling the same mixture of joy and exhaustion that you might be feeling.
Your efforts to support your young person’s wellbeing are a testament to your love and understanding. By planning ahead, maintaining what stability you can, and giving both your young person and yourself permission to do things differently, you’re creating the conditions for your family to not just ‘get through’ the festive period, but to find quiet moments of connection and joy within it. The kind of moments that core memories are made of.
Wishing you a gentle, manageable Christmas and a smooth transition into the new term.